


Like a virgin

by ahominecchii



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bromance, Clubbing, Experienced! Hisoka, Friendship, Hand Jobs, I dunno what else to tell you that'll win you over, Illumi doesn't know much about sex, Luckily Hisoka is there is teach him, M/M, Smut, Virgin! Illumi, it's a virgin Illumi fic guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:24:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahominecchii/pseuds/ahominecchii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a night of clubbing Hisoka realises just how handsome Illumi really is.</p><p>(reposted because I'm a dumb fucking idiot that deleted their work by accident)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just really love this ship and it's gotten to the point where I want to write and talk about them all the time but I can't because it'll make me look like an obsessed freak so everything I think about ends up here...I hope that's okay with you guys
> 
> Okay before I start crying I just want to say that im a fucking idiot, like the biggest idiot that's ever walked the earth.  
> I'm re uploading this fic because I accidentally deleted it whilst trying to delete the previous chapter and I'm so fucking angry with myself I cant believe it, sorry about that I'm really sorry guys :(

Hisoka doesn’t know how he did it, maybe he really is a magician. After all, he’s convinced Illumi to go clubbing with him and he’s standing in the middle of the dance floor, watching Illumi sway to the beat currently playing.

Hisoka knows Illumi isn't not enjoying himself. Whilst everyone else is losing themselves to the music, Illumi is standing there watching it all happen; he looks like a cat amongst dogs, so out of place that it’s laughable.

Hisoka had helped dress Illumi when they were in his bedroom, he pinned clothes to his neck and hummed in thought as to whether it was really clubbing material. Hisoka helped pick his shoes from the bundle Illumi had dragged to his house with the help of his butlers; in fact, the only thing Hisoka didn’t help with was his makeup; which he surprisingly seemed to have under control.

They’ve been hit on a few times since they’d arrived; one young thing tried to dance with Hisoka, which he was more than happy to do, but it ended promptly when she pulled Illumi in too so they could sandwich her. The man had turned her offer down and it must have killed her buzz because she stomped off; calling Illumi a queer on her way.

“I am a queer because I don’t want to dance with a stranger?” Illumi asks Hisoka over the music and Hisoka shakes his head, never ceasing his dancing.

“No you’re not,” he replies.

He’d never been a fan of shouting and talking in clubs wasn’t exactly ideal, it was your voice vs the club sound system; everyone knew there was no competition. Illumi is still standing in the same spot with his drink in his hand, sipping it from time to time and looking over the crowd as their intoxicated minds responded to the music in the only way they knew how. Hisoka’s already on his 8th drink of the night whilst Illumi is only on his 3rd, his reasoning?

_“Someone has to be the responsible one and I don’t see that being you.”_

So Hisoka leaves him to enjoy his night in his own way. He sees Illumi pull out his phone and toy with it for a while until he slaps his hand over the screen and shakes his head.

“I have a message from my brother.” Hisoka shakes his head again and pulls Illumi towards him by his shirt.

“No phones.” he breathes into his ear.

It was a rule they made up before they left, phones would only get in the way of their good time so they agreed to leave the gadgets back at home, but Hisoka had forgotten Illumi had two phones.

“But-“

“I’m sure-“ he takes a peek at the sender. “Milluki can wait, he’s not going to die if you don’t reply right away.”

“He might..”

Hisoka rolls his eyes, taking Illumi’s phone from his hands and places it in his pocket, he sees Illumi frown at him and stick out his tongue in a playful manner, it was a rule they agreed on together so no amount of frowning will change Hisoka’s mind.

Illumi sips his drink as his eye start to wander around the club again, stopping when he notices a woman looking at him in a flirtatious way from the bar. He reaches for Hisoka’s shirt and pulls him forward but doesn’t take his eyes off the woman.

“Why is that lady looking at me?” Illumi asks and Hisoka’s chuckle is muted by the music.

“Maybe she wants you.”

“Wants me for what?”

Sometimes Hisoka can’t believe how oblivious Illumi really is. He understands that the man has been hidden away all his life by his parents but he was 24 and still failing to understand what basic sexual advances meant, sometimes it really stressed Hisoka out.

“For sex, Illumi”

The look the man throws at him makes Hisoka snort.

“No thank you!” Illumi shouts in his ear and crosses his arms the best he could with his drinks still in his hand, Hisoka could only sigh and shrug his shoulders before pulling Illumi by his shirt once more.

“Then, maybe you should dance with me?”

Illumi’s eyebrows shoot into his hairline as he stares at Hisoka’s mischievous grin.

“Dance… with you?” Hisoka nods at Illumi’s question.

“If she thinks we’re together then maybe she’ll turn her attention to someone else… Someone more single…”

Hisoka watches Illumi’s face change from shock to contemplation to defeat.

“Okay I’ll try, I trust you,” he says and Hisoka’s hands are on his hips in a flash.

With 8 rum and redbulls in his system, Hisoka had no problem dancing with another man, it could have even been a stranger so the fact that he’s dancing with Illumi only adds to his existing excitement.

He pulls Illumi forward until he could feel the heat of the man's body against his own and drapes an arm over Illumi's shoulder; looking at the man directly in the eyes with a teasing grin. Illumi’s face is deadpan as usual with his arms remaining by his side but Hisoka was determined to change that; by the end of the night, he was going to loosen the Zoldyck up a little. He starts to move his hips to the beat playing all around the club, the waves of electro pop seeping into his ears and he closes his eyes and pulls Illumi in tighter until his fingers slide through the baby hairs at the back of his neck.

Considering how close they are, Hisoka is surprised Illumi hasn’t pushed him away yet, the man was a social reject; he didn’t know how to be near others, but when Illumi’s cold hands find their way to Hisoka’s bare hip, it’s the pink haired man’s turn to jump away in shock, leaving the other standing there looking at him perplexed.

“Did I do something wrong?” He mouths and Hisoka shakes his head. No he didn’t, if anything Illumi had awoke something in him that he was hoping to try and contain tonight.

Hisoka steps forward again and places his arm over Illumi’s shoulder and continues to dance, the music had changed to something more upbeat and Hisoka is surprised to see Illumi is dancing in time with it. Hisoka can see him slightly looking over his shoulder to see if the woman is still watching him every now and then; the only thing Hisoka can think to do is grab Illumi by his jaw and force him to look in his direction, into his golden eyes that change colour with every passing light.

“Forget about that woman,” he whispers into Illumi’s ear, as his hand trails down from his jaw to his chest.

With that simple action, he gets to appreciate just how well built Illumi really is. His fingers brush over collarbones that are sharper than glass and a broad chest that Hisoka was sure most people worked hard to maintain, he wasn’t sure if Illumi worked out, he didn’t look like the kind of person that did.

He felt Illumi’s hand tighten on his hip and chuckles as a rush of electricity flows through his veins; to feel Illumi’s cold hands on his skin like that was enough to make his lip quiver in delight, it was a brand new feeling Hisoka wanted to feel forever. The combination of the atmosphere and the music plus Illumi’s touch was giving Hisoka a personal high he couldn’t explain, even to himself. He pulled the man closer and buried his face into the dip of his neck, automatically sticking to the thin layer of sweat that coated Illumi’s ghostly skin.

It was intoxicating, the smell he was giving off , it was a smell Hisoka hadn’t smelt in years, he reeked of heavy use of aftershave and innocence and it made Hisoka groan into Illumi’s skin. Illumi’s hand moves to the small of Hisoka’s back as he looks down. The music fades into something slow and sensual, it screams dangerous to Illumi but as Hisoka moved his head up to look at him with a smirk spread across his face, he realised it was too late to try the “I’m gonna sit this one out” card.

“I don’t think that woman’s looking at me anymore,” Illumi says, he doesn’t have to shout seeing as the music is at a reasonable level now.

Hisoka peers over his should and smiled again. “She’s not even at the bar anymore.”

They’re still swaying to the beat, moving left and right in tiny steps as they stare into each other’s orbs.

“So can we stop dancing now?”

Hisoka groaned and moves his face back to the dip of Illumi’s neck, feeling his chest rise and fall with every synchronised step they take.

“But the music was just starting to get good.”

It’s probably making Illumi uncomfortable, Hisoka thinks to himself but he can’t help it. In some small hidden part of his mind he’d always found Illumi slightly attractive, not attractive enough to hit on in everyday life but with 8 drinks (and counting) flowing through his body and brain he’s seeing his friend in a whole new light, a light that Hisoka promised himself he’d never follow, how weak he was was almost laughable.

Illumi’s shoulders are stiff against Hisoka’s chin and Hisoka's first thought to say was “do you want another drink?” but soon came to realise Illumi’s drink was still in his hand, resting against his back as they danced. He wanted Illumi to drink more and loosen up a bit, to gradually turn into the pending mess Hisoka was now; with Illumi pale flesh oh so close to his mouth, calling out to him, it didn’t run through Hisoka’s mind twice to brush his lips against his skin.

He feels Illumi jerk and let out a chuckle against his neck, it is the reaction he was hoping for and proceeds to carry on, applying enough pressure so Illumi would feel it but not enough to alarm him, Hisoka pulls away as he notices Illumi's hand rise so he could throw a smirk at his friend.

“You’re drunk,” Illumi said.

“Bingo!”

Hisoka wasn’t going to deny it, he was drunk, which was embarrassing because normally he can hold his liquor better than this. The smirk on his face refuses to leave whilst he looks over Illumi’s features through unfocused eyes. He really is quite handsome for someone that had nothing special about them, Hisoka thinks that maybe his haunting orbs that are dragging him into a world of desire. He’d never really taken the time to look into them but now that he has, he can see it all; his past, present and future, that involves Hisoka on his back with Illumi hovering over him.

“Should we get out of here?” Hisoka asks as he clutches onto Illumi’s striped shirt tighter. Hisoka could feel something bubbling within him that he far too familiar with, the most exciting and nerve wrecking feeling known to man.

Illumi nods a few times and then moves his hand to his side again, that particularly part of Hisoka’s back now feels cold from where it’s gotten use to the heat from Illumi’s palm but as the man leaned in, his breathe once again at his ear, Hisoka’s worries of his cold back fade away to focus on just how close Illumi really is to him.

“Are we going back to yours?”

“Would you rather go to yours?” Hisoka grins, turning his head.

Illumi doesn’t answer at first, almost like he’s contemplating where he actually wants to go, but then he shakes his head and moves his hand to Hisoka’s hair so he can turn his head to talk.

“No.”

That’s all the confirmation Hisoka needs to reach into his hair and tangle his fingers with Illumi’s and start walking towards to the exit. He has no plans for when they reach his, all he knows is that if he doesn’t sober up during the cab ride home, his night is going to end up extremely pleasurable or highly embarrassing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still so angry with myself.

It didn’t take them long to get back to Hisoka’s apartment and when they did, Illumi realises just how drunk Hisoka really is, he had a hunch when they were in the cab but came to the conclusion that the man’s wandering hand on his thigh and breath against his ear was just due to his normal touchy-feely personality; however, once they got to his door, it's suddenly clear that Hisoka is in no place to open it, if his back sliding down the wall is anything to go by.

After entering the apartment, Illumi is having to help the man to his room so he could lay down. A cheesy grin is still plastered on Hisoka’s face as the two of them walk and it’s enough to annoy Illumi but he’d be lying if he said this was not how he expected the night to go.

As gently as he could, he lay Hisoka’s limp body down onto the bed and couldn't help but watch as the man spread himself out with a groan, a part of his shirt rose up. Even if Illumi didn’t want to look, his eyes were already on the job, taking in the contrast of colours until he hears a low chuckle.

“Like what you see?” Hisoka asks, his eyes closed but his lips still spread into a wicked grin.

“Please just stay there, I’ll get you some water,” Illumi responds, walking out of the room with a sigh threatening to spill.

He didn’t see why he was bringing himself to care about Hisoka’s state, it was no one's fault but his own. Plus he didn’t even get water for himself at home, why was he waiting hand and foot for someone else?

As the tap fills the glass with clear liquid, Illumi looks out the window, it was starting to rain and the gentle patter against the window rang through small kitchen.

Rain has always been Illumi’s favourite weather; he enjoys it because he hated it, he hated the idea of getting wet and so could always stayed indoors when it happened. He would watch birds fly in search of shelter and it (almost) made him feel alive.

The feeling of wetness covers Illumi’s hand as the glass overflows during his day dream; shutting off the tap, he pours some of the water out and makes his way back to Hisoka, not realising the surprise behind the closed door.

 

 o0o

 

“When did you take your shirt off?”

“When did  _you_  become so handsome?”

Illumi returns to Hisoka's room to find his friend shirtless and laying in a seductive pose, that one makes Illumi extremely uncomfortable if he is being honest with himself.

He places the glass down on the bedside table with a sigh and avertsed his gaze back to Hisoka; whose lidded eyes looked like they were suggesting a lot.

Hisoka sits up on the bed and ushers for Illumi to sit beside him, patting the bed gently and for some unknown reason, Illumi complies to his order by taking a seat on the very edge.

The look in Hisoka’s eyes were something Illumi had never seen before, as someone that had been locked up all his life he had to admit he isn’t the best at reading expressions; however, even someone as innocent as Illumi could tell that Hisoka’s unfocused orbs and body language was suggesting something that was beyond his control.

“I think you need to sleep,” he said; moving away from his friends walking fingers. “I’ll call a cab to pick me up.”

“Or you could just spend the night here?” Illumi wanted to explain all the reasons why that wasn’t the best idea, he could think of ten on the spot.

“It’s still early there’s no need.”

He had every intention of moving, he really did; but as Illumi places his palm down against the mattress to push himself to his feet, he felt himself being pulled back by his collar and then as he blinks, he finds himself staring up at the ceiling.

His heart was pounding in his chest, not because of the situation he’d found himself in but due to the figure that was hovering over his form grinning like his mind had given in to the insanity that he’d tried his hardest to push down.

Illumi thought, as Hisoka’s friend, he should probably push him off and walk out the room and out the door to make his way home before the embarrassment started to fully show, but as much as he internally screams at his legs to flip them over he couldn’t move. And it was only then he starts to panic.

“You’re really hot,” Hisoka whispers and Illumi could see the sharp contours of his jaw with help of the flickering street light that was passing through the bedroom blinds.

“You’re drunk Hisoka.”

“I’ve been drunker.” Illumi didn’t want to think about an even drunker Hisoka if this was the way he was acting now, and his hand sliding up his Illumi’s side didn’t escape him at all.

“You’re touching me,” why Illumi felt he needed to state the obvious was beyond him. He knew Hisoka was touching him and Hisoka definitely knew that he was touching Illumi, if his smirk was anything to go by.

“Do you not like it?”

Illumi wanted to scream but a part of him felt that Hisoka would sense the lie bubbling in his chest, the pink haired man’s fingers walking over his muscles and flesh didn’t feel bad, as a matter of fact it felt soothing, and Illumi would probably go as far as to say that this feeling would be perfect in a bed time setting.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he ends up saying in fear that Hisoka would catch up with his fibs and watches the man chuckle before bending down until they’re a hair away, with a smile.

“Would you mind if I moved my hand lower?” Illumi wasn’t even given the chance to answer as Hisoka’s sly hands slides down to the junction of his clothed hip and strokes the area with a hum. In all honesty, Illumi wasn’t too sure what Hisoka was doing or what his intentions were because right now he seemed to just want some kind of attention and human contact, and Illumi was okay with that, as long as that was all.

“I’ll stay if you really want me to” the words left his mouth before had a chance to take them back; Hisoka gasped and sat up to clap his hands together with a smile leaving Illumi sighing internally.

“Really? That’s great! It’s been a long time since I’ve had anyone stay over.”

If this was the way Hisoka greeted all his guests, Illumi could honestly say he wasn’t surprised. He sat up and tucks his hair behind his ear; Illumi wasn’t sure if the shiver that ran through him was due to his silky strains tickling the back of his ears or because of the look in Hisoka’s eyes that he happened to catch before the other throwing his arms around his neck and leaning forward until their foreheads connected.

“Your lips look really soft, mind if I check to see if they really are?” Illumi opened his mouth to respond but his sentence was stopped short when Hisoka pressed his index finger over his lips. “With my lips?”

 The chuckle that began to rise up in Illumi’s chest came out as a cough much to his embarrassment and when Hisoka raises an eyebrow at him, Illumi coughs once again.

Illumi didn’t see the need to voice it but he was indeed a virgin, everything from kissing to actual intercourse was new to him and somewhat scary. He knew what happened when two people joined to act upon their love and lust and knew the basic fundamentals of both homosexual and heterosexual but the actual act itself never failed to strike fear into his heart and soul.

As Hisoka closes the space between them Illumi feels his heart pick up in pace and his hair follicle prickle as his nerves fires up.

This would be his first kiss, a kiss that he didn’t receive from his family. With every inch, Hisoka leaned closer with his eyes shut and his lips pouted, the warning sign in Illumi’s head and heart rings louder to signal this is actual danger he is in.

“Hisoka,” he calls out and places his hand on the man’s shoulder to stop him. If he could delay this situation, even for a second, it would be a success.

“This isn’t a good idea. I wouldn’t be comfortable doing something like this with you whilst you’re in this state.”

The flames that once burned through Hisoka’s irises somewhat dulls down to resemble calming ashes of a dying fire, and when Illumi drops his hands from Hisoka’s shoulders, he releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“This isn’t a good idea?” Hisoka repeats and feels the bed move under Illumi’s agreement.

His eyes didn’t rise from the bedspread for a while and a part of Illumi was starting to suspect that he’d upset the man, and his suspicions only strengthened when Hisoka looks up at him.

“Oh my... I guess this’ll have to wait then.”

Illumi didn’t think it’d be that easy so if anything the fear that had been grumbling around in his gut starts to walk up to his heart.

Hisoka chuckles and falls back against the bed with a huff, patting the spot next to him for Illumi to join and like the idiot he was, Illumi does.

The rain on the other side of the window reduces to a light tapping on the glass, and as Hisoka makes himself comfortable next to Illumi’s stiff body and the patting works as somewhat a lullaby for the two; Hisoka’s light snoring filling the room as his arm circled Illumi’s waist, holding him close.

This is the first time Illumi has ever slept in the same bed as someone else and it was proving to be okay; he always had this idea in his head that sharing a bed with another person would be annoying on his half but this felt fine. If he had to be honest with himself, he wouldn’t mind doing it again.

 

o0o

 

Illumi would like to say he was woken up by the sound of the bird chattering with each other by the open window or the brightness of the sun as it washed his face with its rays but he wasn’t, instead he wakes up the feeling of lips against his pale skin and finger nails digging into his thighs.

It was annoying him, if he;s being honest with himself. He’d never been woken up like this and frankly never wanted to again.

When he finally gathers the strength to sit up and rest against his elbows, he notices the sheets were pulled off his body completely and his legs spread apart with Hisoka between them, like he’s felt before.

“What are you doing?” he voices with a hint of annoyance.

Hisoka doesn't reply, instead he continues to kiss along Illumi’s thigh and stroke the skin beneath his fingertips, treating his legs like they were priceless ornaments that would break if tampered with too much.

“I asked you a question,” Illumi states firmly and this time, Hisoka sits up, licking his lips but his hands remaining at Illumi’s legs.

“You just looked so delicious, I thought I’d sample the taste."

 What confuses Illumi the most wasn’t the fact that Hisoka was practically man handling him during his sleep but the fact that the male seems completely calm about it, like he does this all the time and Illumi doesn’t think that’s something to be okay about.

“This counts as harassment, you know?” Hisoka laughed and slides his hands higher up Illumi’s thighs until he’s at where they met with his hips.

“I don’t think so; if it did, you would have kicked me off the bed by now.”

“I’m trying to be polite,” Illumi comments and slaps his hand over Hisoka’s when the man’s fingers start walking over his hip bone. “But even this is crossing the line.”  

“Is it really? I don’t hear you complaining.”

That suddenly stops Illumi in his tracks because it's true, why wasn't he complaining? Why was he allowing Hisoka to touch him like they were long lost lovers, or at least boyfriends? It was making him uncomfortable and yet he wasn’t doing anything to stop it, almost like his subconscious was curious to see how far Hisoka would go.

“I don’t take back what I said last night, you know?” Hisoka pipes up, successfully cutting off Illumi’s thought process.

“I’m surprised you can remember anything from yesterday night.”

Hisoka laughs and climbs up the bed, and Illumi scooches backwards until his back is against the headboard, which was a bad idea in itself as Hisoka crawls towards him like cheetah spying on its dinner, Illumi realises that he is the foolish deer that’s going to be eaten.

“I still think you’re really handsome.”

“And I think you’re still drunk.”

Hisoka raised a finger to his lips and pouts in thought, Illumi knows there’s nothing but sarcasm and cheesy chat up lines whirling in his head.

“Not drunk, just alive.”

Illumi didn’t realise Hisoka was in nothing but his boxers until the man slotted himself between his opened legs,practically laid on top of him and in the position in which Illumi can feel Hisoka’s entire package against his thigh, gathering that this was Hisoka’s plan all along.

“Let me kiss you,” is the first thing Hisoka whispers and Illumi feels his ears perk up at the sentence.

“Excuse me?”

“Let me kiss you. Let’s make out, you know?

Illumi blinks once, twice, three times but the sentence still doesn’t make sense to him. Make out?

“Why?” he asks, Hisoka’s troublesome fingers are walking over his skin again, this time on the flat of his stomach.

“Because I wanted to yesterday at the club but didn’t get a chance to.”

There’s hundreds of reasons Illumi could give as to why he thinks them kissing is a terrible idea, but they don’t have time for that nor does he think Hisoka would listen, so he narrowed it down to ten, and then to three.

“I don’t think us making out is a good idea.”

“Why?”

 _“Yeah, why?”_  Illumi hears his self-conscious say and feels that even that is pressuring him.

“Because we’re friends,” he says instead and Hisoka snorts.

“Friends make out.”

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet,” Illumi tries again and Hisoka inches closer.

“I’ve done worse.”

“I’ve never kissed with anyone before.”

“I’ll teach you.”

It’s like whatever Illumi says, Hisoka can just counter block it with an answer. He starts to think whether he should bother digging up the other reasons he came up with.

“I promise I’ll make you feel good, okay?” he hears Hisoka say like that’s the ultimate problem.

“I don’t know about this, Hisoka… it’s wrong.”

A part of Illumi feels bad when he sees Hisoka sigh and flop down against him, face first into his stomach but Illumi isn’t one to give into peer pressure. He’s never known somebody to kiss their friend and enjoy it; to Illumi, you kiss someone you like or are in love with and seeing as he feels neither for Hisoka, he doesn’t see the point.

“You’ve always been stubborn, Illumi.” Hisoka’s voice is muffled against his skin and the tiny puffs of air is tickling his exposed belly.

“You’ve always been so hard headed, you've picked it up from Silva.” Illumi tries not to shift under the male or give any kind of indication that the vibrations of Hisoka’s voice is tickling him, but it becomes increasingly hard not to move once Hisoka’s hand starts stroking the soft flesh of his thigh again. Before Illumi hadn’t thought anything of it but now with the two sensations combined, he can’t help the involuntary grunt that rises up his throat like bile.

And of course it didn’t escape Hisoka’s incredible hearing.

“What was that?” he asks and Illumi’s eyes are as wide as can be.

“Nothing,” he replies and mentally shoots himself in the temple.

“What was that noise? It sounded like a grun-”

“Well, you’re wrong.”

The two of them just stare at each other for a second and Illumi prays to every known god in the sky that Hisoka didn’t catch on with his slip up, but if the smile on Hisoka's face anything to go by, Illumi is sure the man already knows.

“How sensitive is your skin?” he asks and Illumi stays silent but can feel his eyes giving away his entire life story.

“My answer is very because the question is where...”

Hisoka’s hand slides over the top of Illumi’s thigh once more but his eyes are locks on Illumi’s face like he’s trying to spot any different in expression whilst his hands venture, and Illumi stares back unblinking.

Hisoka’s fingers tap against his milky flesh inch by inch, trying to seek Illumi’s erogenous spots like lost treasures and when his fingers press into a certain spot on his inner thigh and Hisoka witnesses Illumi’s breath hitch ever so slightly; his mouth is on it in no time and his teeth are plucking at the flesh like a violent dog.

“W-wait! Hold on Hisoka!” Illumi can barely keep himself composed as Hisoka’s lips suck on the inside of his thigh, it tickles and feels good at the same time and in all honesty, Illumi didn’t know what felt good to him until this very moment.

“You’re sensitive here,” the pinked haired man breathed out once he’d come up for air. He continues fingers the spot where he’d just sucked and pushes his index finger against the light bruise and hears Illumi hiss.

“Where else are you sensitive? Apart from the obvious place,” he asks and Illumi looks away before replying. “Nowhere, now get off me”

He doesn’t trust the laugh Hisoka does and he looks back, the other's eyes are slightly lidded, like he’s planning something.

“Here?” the pinked haired man asks and places his palm against Illumi’s stomach. “I know I am.”

Illumi doesn’t react so Hisoka takes the liberty of sliding his hand down lower and lower but stops under his navel, to which he sees Illumi blink rapidly.

“Found it,” he whispers with a smile and dips his head down attack that spot at well, but is stopped by the push of Illumi’s hand.

“Wait Hisoka, please,” Illumi needs to breathe or calm down or something because everything is starting to get too much.

He sighs and sits up again so he’s a bit more comfortable and looks at Hisoka in the eyes.

“I’ve never done anything like this before and I think we both need to cool down,” he watches Hisoka blink the smile away and cock his head to the side.

“You’re still a virgin right?” The way the words drip from Hisoka’s lips sends a disgusting shiver up Illumi’s spine, like he shouldn’t be one at his age. He nods and averts his gaze to the poorly plastered wallpaper next to him.

“Yes.”

He expects Hisoka to laugh at him and insult his lack of human contact, but he doesn’t hear it and turns to look at him to see the same expression he’d been left with.

“I know, I was just waiting for you to tell me.” Illumi doesn’t know how to reply so he just breathes out and slumps in his seat.”

“I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do, I’m not a prick,” his hands drop from Illumi’s thighs and move to rest on the bed. “But the look in your eyes… I’ve seen that look before… the curious virgin look, I love it”

Illumi doesn’t know whether that was a compliment or what but it leaves him confused, and he feels Hisoka move up against him again only this time they’re practically face to face.

“Let me show you what I can do, what I can make you feel… I promise I’m sober this time,” he chuckles and Illumi’s expression stays unwavering.

Right now, in Illumi’s mind, there’s a battle between good and evil happening and he doesn’t know who to listen to. The good side telling him to reject him and go home like the good innocent person he was and the bad side telling him to have a good time and see if Hisoka can actually make him feel good and Illumi doesn’t know what to do or who to listen to.

His position on the bed is unintentionally erotic, with one leg up and the other resting straight and his stomach exposed due to his risen shirt. Illumi can feel Hisoka’s desire leaking out his pores like some kind of aura, he could taste the sexual want from the other on his alcohol soaked tongue and when the other looks up at him and bats his naturally curled eyelashes, Illumi can only groan.

“Let me wash up first okay?” he says but his words sound like his asking for permission and doesn’t like the way Hisoka smirks at him.

“Take your time, I’ll be here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

No amount of water splashing on his face could wake Illumi up from the nightmare he's currently experiencing, and as he stands in the bathroom with his hands clutching the cream porcelain sink, staring at his reflection in the side cabinet mirror, it is safe to say Illumi is having second thoughts.

Or more thinking, how did he get into this kind of situation?

He has no intention of sleeping with Hisoka; he isn’t ready for that in any way, but the male said he wanted to show him a good time, and no matter how many times Illumi thought it over, he didn’t know what was coming next.

What does the other mean when he said he'd 'show him a good time?' What is he planning? Illumi curses his sexual inexperience and lack of knowledge on the subject, if he’d studied it a little more he’d at least know what he is getting himself into, but he never once thought he’d be dragged into a situation like the one currently at hand so he only has himself to blame.

He could hear Hisoka calling his name in a sing song tune and it causes Illumi to shiver because it sounds like the devil calling him to get back to work, he’s given his soul to a demon and soon his innocence.

But at least he has something to write about in his diary when he gets home.

Illumi opens the door and makes his way back to Hisoka’s room and the sight that greets him causes him to groan, Hisoka is there alright, and naked.

“Took you long enough,” the pink haired man snorts out and Illumi rolls his eyes. It is taking everything in his power not to look at Hisoka’s junk that was proudly half stood and more than ready.

“I wanted to make sure I was clean and- sorry but can you put your pants back on?” Hisoka laughs but doesn’t move from his position on the bed; the confidence that oozes from the man is no different from the norm but in this situation makes Illumi feel uncomfortable.

“Why? Is it too much too soon?” Illumi doesn’t even have to look at Hisoka’s face to know that the other is smirking, and if he thinks that’s enough to get his motor running then Illumi has a thing or two to tell him.

“Just put them back on.”

He hears some rustling from the bed and Hisoka sighs; when Illumi finally turns head to look back at the bed sees the man pulling his previously worn boxers over his toned ass.

“Thank you,” Illumi mumbled and steps forward to take back his seat again by the head board.

Hisoka wastes no time climbing up from the foot of the bed to Illumi’s fragile form, looming over his body as if he is getting ready to consume his soul.

“Just relax, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

The smell of fresh mint washes over Illumi’s face as Hisoka speaks and in his mind, Illumi is glad to know he’d brushed his teeth beforehand, even if that meant he’d been planning this from earlier on.

“I’m gonna kiss you now, is that okay?” Is he okay? Illumi didn’t know but he closes his eyes anyway and nods. As soon as his top eyelashes brush against his lower lashes, he can feel Hisoka's lips press against his.

It is certainly something different, Illumi didn’t know what he was expecting but this isn’t it. Hisoka’s lips are soft, too soft for a man, almost like he took care of them for these kind of situations, and Illumi has to admit that they feel nice against his slightly drier ones.

Illumi doesn't even have time to get use to the feeling before the lips disappear.

“I can’t work like this, sit on my lap.” Illumi didn’t know why he so easily complies but he does and seconds later, he is sitting directly above Hisoka’s crotch with the man’s hand on his thighs.

“That’s better,” Hisoka whispers and leans forward once again to capture Illumi’s lips.

Something in Illumi feels like Hisoka is way more into this then he is, the way he is kissing him so passionately and tender makes Illumi feel like he is the only person Hisoka cares about, and the way his hands ware smoothing over his skin like every inch iss blessing his palms.

“Does this feel okay?” Hisoka asks once they pulled away to breathe, hands never stop feeling him up.

Illumi nods and moves his hands to place them in his lap, to which Hisoka stops and moves them to his shoulders instead.

“I’d leave them there if I were you, it’s gonna get a bit bumpy” Illumi doesn’t like the sound of that but isn’t given enough time to ponder on the thought as Hisoka moves in and lock their lips together again, and Illumi’s feels his eyes widen.

Hisoka’s grip on his thighs tightens when he angles his head to deepen their kiss, his lips moving against Illumi’s reluctant ones like it is the most natural thing to do, and Illumi’s eyes flutter close as he gives in to the sensations.

When Hisoka nips at his bottom lip a couple times, Illumi opens his mouth to gasp and soon discovers it is a perfect example of a rookie mistake. The other takes Illumi’s lowered guard as his chance to slip his tongue in and pull him closer to his body by his thighs and Illumi momentary feels his eyes roll into the back of his head.

Okay so Hisoka’s snake like tongue licking around his teeth and gums doesn’t feel bad, if anything it feels kind of nice, and also the feel of his regrown fingernails lightly digging into his skin doesn’t feel bad either.

Illumi could feel his face heating up as Hisoka pushes his tongue in deeper and tangles it with his, their saliva mixing together and becoming one taste and normally Illumi would think this is the most disgusting act humans could do but right now finds himself wanting more of his friend's taste.

In the mist of heat, Illumi finds himself being lifted and pushed back until his back hits the mattress, and the shock he feels doesn’t have a chance to sink in properly before he feels Hisoka’s lips attacking his neck.

For the first time in his, life Illumi couldn’t think. He's too busy concentrating on the tongue currently lapping up the taste of his skin like a hungry dog. He could feel Hisoka’s hands gripping at his hips to raise and connect them to his;through the cloud of lust and sensations, Illumi could feel Hisoka’s half hard erection press against him.

It is a shock, especially since Illumi isn’t hard himself, feeling Hisoka already so worked up it almost makes him think there issomething wrong with him to not be up too.

Hisoka’s teeth scrapes over his pale flesh and sucks on the groove of Illumi’s neck, trying to find that one place he knew feels amazing, he could hear Illumi’s breathing picking up in pace, his chest rising and falling with every lick of his tongue and it makes the pink haired man groan lewdly.

“You taste so good,” he whispers, biting Illumi’s neck and feeling the man flinch in response.

“I taste like any other human being.”

Sometimes Hisoka couldn’t understand how Illumi could be so emotionless all the time; even in this kind of situation, Illumi is the same and it makes him want to work harder.

“No you don’t, everyone has a certain taste.”

 Illumi cranes his neck and looks down at Hisoka, who at the same time, looks up smiling. “And how many people have you 'tasted' exactly?”

Hisoka pouts in thought and the fact that he takes longer than 2 seconds to answer is enough for Illumi to want to stop everything.

“About 50.”

“You’re disgusting.”

Hisoka chuckles and moves up Illumi’s body so they are face to face. “And you’re about to have the time of your life."

Illumi wants to ask Hisoka what he means by that but he could already feel the male's slender fingers walking up his chest teasingly, they stop at his nipples and Illumi’s eyes lock on Hisoka’s golden ones, glowing in the reflection of the sun. Hisoka leans down to kiss him at the same time his thumb and forefinger attach themselves onto the nub and starts rolling it between them and for the first time in the 24 years he’d been alive, Illumi feels a moan arise from the depths of his throat.

His hand reaches up to clutch Hisoka’s shoulder as support, trying to his hardest to swallow the noise back down in fear of embarrassment but he couldn’t help digging his finely sharped nails into his skin.

Hisoka, on the other hand, has no problem making his arousal known, he groans against Illumi’s lips, the vibrations tickling both men as his fingers worked on the fleshy nub again. Illumi isn’t sure what is turning Hisoka on, whether it is the mild pain burning through his shoulders or the whole situation itself. It is all unclear but whatever it is, it is starting to get to him too.

The need to breathe is becoming overwhelming; Illumi moves his head to the side and inhales sharply, trying his best not to give off anything that might fuel Hisoka’s attraction, but it seems just looking at him is working for him just right.

“Does this feel good?” the pink haired man asks and Illumi can't help but nod.

“Tell me, I want to hear you say it.”

Illumi isn’t one for dirty talk, or more that he can’t do it. For starters, it was embarrassing and voicing what you want your partner to do to you is outrageous and downright perverted, and secondly, he is sure he’d sound stupid if he does comply.

“I… It feels nice.” Hisoka chuckles and drags his body down Illumi’s and watches his fingers at work, the small slightly tanned piece of flesh rising with every flick of his fingers is making his mouth water, and with a final smirk,he lowers his head to flick his tongue against it instead.

“I’m about to make you feel a whole lot nicer.”

Illumi literally feels his lower half jot awake at the first touch of Hisoka’s tongue. The sounds he’d desperately tried his hardest to keep down had slips from his mouth accidentally, and with every brush of Hisoka’s slippery muscle against his nipple, Illumi feels his nerves set alight.

“Hiso-“he whispers and brought his hand to his mouth.

He’d honestly never felt anything quite like this before, his body is heating up a worryingly amount and now that the first noise had been released the others waits eagerly behind his teeth for their turn to escape.

“You taste good here too”

Hisoka’s tongue works against his nipple at a speed that Illumi could only describe as mach 20, his hands roams on either side of his body, familiarising themselves with every bump and dent in his skin, and his boner isn’t getting any smaller against Illumi’s thigh.

“Would you judge me if I told you I might be getting addicted the way you taste?”

“I’m always judging you,” Illumi replied, feeling Hisoka snort against his chest.

His fingers once again replace his lips, placing a last kiss to Illumi’s nipple as his lips resumes their journey down the male’s body.

Illumi doesn’t dare look down at Hisoka whilst his mouth trail down his body; he is on the edge as it is. To his embarrassment, his lower half has completely awaken and is pushing against his underwear harder with every brush of Hisoka’s sweet lips. The wet kisses that is spread along the flat surface of his stomach dries in the cool air and with every nip of Hisoka’s teeth, it is just another burn to remind him that this is really happening.

Hisoka runs a hand through his hair to brush his bangs out of his face as his mouth starts to lick and tease one side of Illumi’s hip, his tongue draws shapes onto the thin layer of skin that lay there whilst his nailed scrape lightly down the side. And due to Hisoka’s previous actions, Illumi finds himself raising his hips to feel more of the man’s devilish touch. His body and mind is completely separate, and Illumi is finding it hard to keep himself together.

“Hisoka, I don’t like this.” It surprises Illumi himself to hear how ragged his voice has become, every part of him is slowly coming undone by the hand of someone else and he didn’t think he’d ever get to this state.

The said man looks up at Illumi’s form, the thin layer of sweat making his skin glisten in the dull lightening causes his cock to twitch involuntarily.

“You mean you don’t like this?-" Hisoka wiggles his finger between the two of them. “Or you don’t like me teasing you?”

Illumi averts his gaze because in reality he’d love to say he doesn’t like this situation at all but unfortunately, Hisoka’s fingers has the ability to push him to the brink of insanity, and if something was to go wrong and Hisoka has to stop his doing, Illumi would seriously consider touching himself for the first time.

“T- The teasing… Don’t…” he whispers and takes the chance to look up at the male, his eight billionth mistake that morning. Hisoka’s smile, or more what Illumi could class as grin spreads across his lips, faintly showing his teeth and gum.

Hisoka flattens his palm on Illumi’s thigh and sighs, the grin on his face nowhere near disappearing.

“So you want me to hurry up? Is that what you’re saying?”

The higher Hisoka’s hand slides, the faster Illumi feels his heart beat, almost to the point of becoming painful. The male's hand stopps at the waist band of plaid underwear, curling his fingers under the material.

“You know…” Hisoka starts and hears Illumi exhale loudly. “I’ve always thought you were attractive, but seeing you yesterday in the club confirmed everything…”

Nimble fingers rolls the material down Illumi’s toned thighs, loving the way the man slightly parts his legs to help them down, and once Hisoka witnesss Illumi’s cock spring free and curl slightly toward his stomach, he feels his mouth water at the sight.

“I never thought-" He throws the boxers across the room and Hisoka once again takes his position back between Illumi’s legs, licking his lips as he watches the precome form into a bead at the head.  “-I’d have you like this, in this beautiful state…”

Hisoka’s hand wraps around Illumi’s length and he swallows down a lump as he prepares his throat for the intrusion.

“I want to see you like this all the time.” An experimental lick to the head of Illumi’s cock causes Illumi to arch of the bed violently, gasping into the room as he tries his hardest to calm his rapid heartbeat.

“Hisoka, wait-”

“I want to hear you come undone all because of me Illumi” Lick after lick follow each other, lapping up the clear liquid oozing from the tip and humming at the semi bitter taste.

Illumi on the other hand could feel the cold hand of death clutching his heart, his entire body is shaking and he knows there is more to come. This is the first time anyone has ever touched his genitals, the only time he touched his lower half was to use to rest room and that is hardly sexual. This is the first time he’s used his lower half as a form of pleasure and now that the doors of what he could feel is open, Illumi doesn’t know if he wants to close it ever again.

Hisoka’s mouth engulfs the damp tip and sucks on it gently, savouring the droplets of precome that drip down the back of his throat. He humms around the tip as the bitter taste of Illumi blesses his taste buds and Hisoka could feel his eyes rolling at the back of head due to the intense pleasure he is feeling.

Illumi on the other hand suddenly feels a strange sensation stirring in his gut, a feeling that was similar to desperately needing to pee only stronger and more intense.

His hands grips at Hisoka’s shoulders, he needs something to hold on to so he doesn’t lose his way in this labyrinth of pleasure. Every inch Hisoka’s mouth slides over him, a little more of his consciousness dies until Illumi could feel himself sinking into a dark abyss.

Illumi doesn’t want to admit it but he is enjoying this way more than he thinks is appropriate. His hips are thrusting into Hisoka’s damp mouth to try and feel more, his heart is beating a mile a second and Illumi is pretty sure he is saying things that fell deaf to his own ears.

The bed under them is gently rocking and every moan Hisoka does around him feeds the tightening feeling in Illumi’s gut.

“Hisoka, I-I don’t think-" Illumi is trying to speak, trying to tell Hisoka that something is happening to him but every word that manages to escape is replaced with a high pitched moan.

His fingers finds their way into Hisoka’s fluorescent hair and tightens around the strands in attempts to get him off but Hisoka refuses to move, instead fastening his pace and using his tongue to lick around the sweetened head.

“Oh god! Hisoka, g-get off-" Hisoka’s hands clutch at Illumi’s toned thighs and groans at the feeling of muscle that lay under fresh skin. Hisoka’s nails lightly rake down one thigh as his other hand reaches up to wrap around Illumi’s cock as his tongue licks from the base to the tip in one long strip.

Hisoka could see Illumi’s chest heaving and his breaths are coming out wild and strained. His stomach tenses every time Hisoka's wicked tongue peeks out to flick over the slit and it isn’t helping Illumi’s condition that Hisoka starts to pump at the base of his cock either.

Illumi could feel he is just about ready to blow; every nerve ending in his body is on fire until his body is over sensitive and screaming for release. With his head tilt back against the pillow, he whispers out his friend's name as he spills his seed into Hisoka’s ready and waiting mouth.

It takesa few seconds for Illumi to realise what is happening, and he raises his head from the bed and looks down at Hisoka and sees the man wiping his mouth with the back of his hand with a grin on his face like he’d just finished eating the best meal in the world and a part of Illumi feels a bit sick at how Hisoka is so willing swallow down what his body releases.

He sighs and flops back down onto the bed again. He could feel Hisoka redressing him again, kissing every inch of skin that he’d passed and once Illumi feels his boxers snap against waist rolled over onto his stomach.

“Did you have a good time?” Illumi doesn’t even need to turn around to know what Hisoka’s face looks like. He hates that face, the stupid grin that he always bares but he couldn’t deny the fact that what he and Hisoka engaged in did feel incredible.

“It was nice,” he responds and hears the other snort.

“Nice? You were chanting my name Illumi” Hisoka flops down next to the black haired male and leans up on his elbows to look at Illumi in the eyes. “You were all like “ _fuck Hisoka don’t stop yes fuck right there!”_ ”

“No I wasn’t!” Illumi knows that the blush in his face is obvious but that is only because of the lewd words spilling from Hisoka’s mouth.

“You might as well as been.”

Hisoka rolls onto his back with a huff and folds his arms behind his head. The tent in his own underwear is as clear as day and for a split second, Illumi feels the need to offer Hisoka some kind of return for his work.

“It’s rude to stare Illumi!” The said male flinches at the call of his name and when his eyes trail up to Hisoka’s face, he sees his smile is bigger than ever.

“I'm not staring… it’s just that…” Illumi doesn’t know what to say, he couldn’t tell Hisoka that he wants to return the favour because a part of him doesn’t, he couldn’t bring himself to perform the same act on Hisoka as he did him, it's unnatural and frankly male genitalia scares him.

“It’s just what? Hmm?” Hisoka’s hand trails down his chest and stomach only to stop at the front of his own boxers. “Did you want to help me out in return?”

Illumi couldn’t help watching the way Hisoka manhandles his crotch, from the teasing touches to the downright harsh squeezing.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, you know.” Illumi could hear how airy Hisoka’s voice has gotten and makes him wonder how desperate he really is.

“If you want, you can just watch me. Unless you feel uncomfortable with me doing that kind of thing here.”

Illumi feels like he didn’t really have a choice seeing as Hisoka’s hands are already reaching for the waistband of his underwear to remove them and as they are thrown somewhere in the room, it suddenly dawns on Illumi that he’d never seen another males lower region before.

“You’re…Your's isn’t… Pink...” is all Illumi can bring himself to say. Since he’d known Hisoka, his hair had always been pink and lord knows how much damage it’s taken but he’d never once seen him without his trademark hot pink hair, so seeing him now with his body in full view and his cock nesting in wild brown hair Illumi realises that Hisoka’s hair isn’t naturally pink.

Hisoka looks down at his crotch and chuckles before he turns to face Illumi. “Did you think my pubes were naturally magenta?” he asks and Illumi violently shakes his head.

“I guess the secrets out now,” Hisoka brings his hand to wrap around himself and sighs loudly as his thumb proceeds to circle the tip. “My hair is naturally brown but it’s been pink since I discovered what hair dye was.”

Illumi is too fixated on what Hisoka is doing to himself to listen to his story about his hair. Hisoka’s hand starts to gently work over him in long strokes; like he is trying to warm himself up for the main event and Illumi could feel his eyes getting wider with every brush of Hisoka’s hand but couldn’t seem to lower them.

“You’ve never watched porn before right?” Hisoka asks and Illumi’s head snaps towards him.

“Of course not, not only is it unrealistic but it’s also extremely grim.”

Hisoka laughs at Illumi’s response, a laugh that echos in the tiny apartment room but that laughter quickly turns into a moan and he speeds up his movements slightly.

“So it’s kinda like you’re watching porn for the first time.”

Illumi wants to tell Hisoka to shut up and that he is wrong but as he watches the male play with himself, there is no way he could of because he is right. This is essentially like watching porn and Illumi has the best seat in the house.

The little groans and huffs didn’t escape Illumi’s hearing; he turns towards Hisoka’s crotch again and sees the man working over himself even faster. His rhythm becomes non-existent, a pure mess of speed and moisture and Illumi couldn’t bring himself to look away.

Hisoka’s legs are beginning to shake under the pressure of his due release; Illumi is starting to think that Hisoka has forgotten he is in the room because the sounds he is making are so exaggerated that he finds it hard to think that Hisoka is making them purely for his entertainment.

“Are you okay?” he asks and blinks when Hisoka breaths out a laugh.

“I’ve never felt better. Sucking you off worked me up too much, this is gonna be embarrassing.”

Illumi soon realises that Hisoka isn’t lying about his last statement, because as soon as he closes his mouth, it reopens again as a particularly loud moan escapes his lips as he comes over his thighs.

The room fills with the sound of rough pants and shifting sheets as both males bask in their post orgasmic glow, bodies wash with the natural light from outside.

Illumi doesn’t know how to feel, he’s experienced something new and had enjoyed it but now that he’s come down from his high, the reality of his situation is more horrifying than anything he’d ever had.

“This was wrong.” Half way through reaching to his bed side table for his pack of cigarettes, Hisoka stops to turn to look at his worried friend.

“I told you you didn’t have to watch, I could have gone to the bathroom or-" Illumi presses his finger to Hisoka lips and shakes his head.

“Not that but everything, this entire morning has been wrong.”

Not giving Hisoka a chance to reply, Illumi jumps off the bed in search of his trousers and shirt. He’d always thought his mother would marry him off to another wealthy family before he’s engaged in such acts but now that he’d fooled around with Hisoka, Illumi feels unclean. He doesn’t know which one but he’s committed a sin and is experiencing a feeling that he imagined is guilt.

“I need to leave, I’ve got things to do” he whispers as he buckles his belt.

He hears the sound of a lighter click and an inhale follows by the stifling smell of cigarette smoke, to which Illumi’s nose turns up against.

“What a shame you suddenly have to go,” Hisoka says and reaches over to his bedside table to grab his ashtray. “I was hoping we could spend the day painting each other’s nails and watching chick flicks on TV."

As soon as Illumi pulled his coat on, he faces his friend with an expression that is neither disgust nor disappointment. He doesn't know what his face looks like at that moment; all he knows was that the expression he is wearing is enough for Hisoka’s usual grin to retract.

“Hey Illumi-" Hisoka says only to get a hand up for the black haired man.

“Ill… I’ll call you or something.” Illumi does't know if that is a lie or not and frankly he doesn’t want to think about it.

His hand clutch at the bedroom door handle hesitantly, something tells him to look back at Hisoka once more, not to look at his face but into his eyes because that’s where his true feelings always lay but chooses to ignore the over whelming feeling and pulls the door open to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

Illumi couldn’t eat; he couldn’t sleep, every time he lowered his lids all he saw was figments of pink between his legs, giving him pleasure like he’d never known before.

The first couple of times he remembered what had unfolded he couldn’t help his body reaction. How his temperature raised and the way his lower half jolted awake at the thought of Hisoka’s lips on his pale skin. He felt like he was going crazy, he had no one to talk to about what had happened, speaking to his parents about it was completely at out the question and his siblings were all younger than he so talking to them would be inappropriate.

A part of him wanted to talk to his butler Gotoh about it but remembering his loyalty to his parents there was no doubt in Illumi’s mind that he’d spill what they spoke about to them and he wasn't about to risk the minimal freedom he already held. 

His studies were also dropping due to his lack of concentration, the words that lay in front of him in his books were jumbled, making no sense as his mind continued to wander to a da

rker, more sinful place, a place where Illumi never thought he’d lose his way in, but he was there, trying to find a path out of this labyrinth with only a flickering candle to aid his sight.

It didn’t particularly help that Hisoka was sending him racy text messages either, taunting him and telling him how much of a great time he had the other night. At one point he even turned off his phone but when his mother found out and questioned his actions he didn’t have a logically explanation, thus being forced to deal every dirty message he received from the other man.

And two weeks down the line Illumi had just about had enough. He was reading a book about the theory of quantum physics for his class assignment when his phone vibrated next to his hand, and he didn’t need to look at the message to know who it was from but curiosity got the better of him and flipped over his phone; sighing as he read the message.

_Sender: Hisoka_

_Subject: T_T_

_Message: I’m lonely~ come to mine after school?_

Illumi pinched the bridge of his nose, Hisoka was the last person he wanted to see, he wasn't sure he wanted to see him ever again, but even he knew that at some point he couldn’t avoid the male any longer. He was his closest friend, someone he could lean on when he was feeling down or stressed and as much as Illumi would love to message him back saying “leave me alone” he couldn’t bring himself to do that.

He picked up his phone and began typing out a new message.

_Subject:?_

_Message: it’s university, I haven’t attended “school” in over seven years Hisoka, and maybe I’m not sure yet._

No sooner did he place his phone back on the table did it vibrate again and Illumi wondered why he even bothered putting it down in the first place.

_Sender: Hisoka_

_Subject: woe is me~_

_Message: pleaaaase! I’m so bored I have nothing to do today, I miss you, I love you, I wanna see you again T_T come round my house after you finish at your education place. And bring snacks cos I have no food._

He could feel a groan rising in his throat; he really needed to finish his assignment for next week’s class but it seemed that Hisoka was determined to not let him do that tonight.

_Subject: you’re annoying._

_Message: like I said I’ll try to come round but I have a lot of work to do._

Illumi cradled his face in his hands, shaking his head and trying to ignore all the sinful thoughts running through his mind. He knew what Hisoka was like and was smart enough to know what Hisoka meant when he said he was lonely. Of course it had passed through Illumi’s mind that he may have been overthinking things and that Hisoka genuinely just wanted someone to hang out with, but at the same he knew what Hisoka was like and with the thoughts running through his mind as fresh as they come Illumi didn’t think it was a good idea to have him as company for the time being.

His phone buzzed again expecting another text from the annoying man when he was surprised to see it was his mother trying to reach him.

_Sender: Mother_

_Subject: ---_

_Message: be home at a reasonable time._

Illumi sighed as he typed out his reply. He knew his mother meant well when she sent him these kind of messages but he’d be lying to himself if he said she wasn’t overprotective and controlling. It was as if she was still suffering from separation anxiety with all her children.

He alone was lucky enough to leave the house because he had to attend university; however his other siblings weren’t so lucky. They were all home schooled by their butlers and teachers that his parents had hired, he had a narrow escape before they had thought of the idea but somethings he wonders if he was better off studying from home.

But if he did he never would have met Hisoka, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

He looked over his books again, flicking through the chemistry equations and maths problems that he needed to solve before they were due when his mind slipped back to sin.

The sound of Hisoka’s muffled grunts as he reached his orgasm rung in his head like an alarm and the feel of Hisoka’s mouth licking over him and his lower half. No amount of head shaking would erase them and with each and every thought and sound that passed through his mind Illumi felt his virgin body react to it.

He couldn’t study like this.

Picking up his phone again he scrolled through his call log and pressed call, he needed to give himself some kind of closure and there was only one way he knew how.

_“Gotoh? Come and collect me from university please...yes I am finished for the day”_

o0o

“Master Illumi I do not wish to tell you how to go about your day but Mrs Zoldyck wishes for you to return home before nightfall”

Illumi knew she did and knew that he was probably going to get in a heap of trouble for this but as long as the memories kept haunting him he’ll never live a peaceful life.

One hand gripped around the car door handle and was really to push it open but he reluctant to do so, this all seemed like a good idea in the liberty of his university but now that he was here, parked outside of Hisoka’s apartment the butterflies of anxiety continue to eat away at his gut.

“I am aware of what mother wants however there is something I need to do first” he replied and hears the click of the door as he pushes it open.

He peaked his head through the car window and sees Gotoh adjusting his glasses; something he only does when he has something to say but isn’t quite sure if it’s his place.

“I didn’t bring my car with me today so you’ll have to pick me up later, i'll ring you when I’m done- oh! And do not tell my mother where I am… please…”

Gotoh looks up at him after that but quickly faces forward again. “If Mrs Zoldyck asks where you I’d have no choice but to tell her, however, I shall not bring up the subject unless she does”

Illumi steps back and allows his butler to reverse the car before speeding off down the main road, and the gut chomping feeling only increases when his mother’s reaction is added to the equation.

The front door to the apartment complex is broken and it doesn’t take a lot of strength for Illumi to push it open. Another problem Illumi has with the complex Hisoka lives in is how dirty the hallways and overall building is, there are people passed out on the floors mostly due to drugs and yellow water marks staining the ceiling, once he saw dried blood on the walls and momentarily wondered if he’d fallen into hell, but Hisoka’s apartment was clean and he guesses that’s better than nothing.

A few of steps into the building and he was at Hisoka’s front door, he could feel the floorboards vibrating as the bass of whatever song the man was playing travelled underground and inhaled a deep breath before knocking on the door.

“Just a minute I’m not decent!” he heard and exhaled as the unpleasant thoughts flooded his mind again.

The door swung open to reveal his friend wearing nothing but a pair of baby blue boxers that had the words “candy girl” stitched on the waist band and a pair of goggles resting on his forehead.

“My my what a surprise” Hisoka smirked and leaned against the door frame. “I didn’t actually expect you to turn up”

Hisoka’s voice came as static to Illumi's ears as his eyes trailed over the male’s body, taking in his toned stomach that complimented his fair skin.

“I- um… I thought… umm”

Two fingers hooked under Illumi’s chin and his head with tilted up to meet Hisoka’s fiery amber orbs. “My face is up here, Illumi”

Illumi’s heart began to pick up in pace when Hisoka stepped forward and placed the same hand against his chest and walked his fingers down to his plain black trousers. “Unless you want my face in between your legs again”

He opened his mouth to reply but was cut off but the man’s low chuckle. “I’m kidding you don’t have to look so terrified”

Hisoka turned on his heel and walked back into his house and with shaky legs Illumi followed. The sound of high pitched Japanese techno music filled the air of the small apartment, brushing it with all the colours of the rainbow and happiness and it was starting to annoy Illumi.

He walked over to the sound system placed next to the tv and took a look at the name of the song.

“Bubble-gum bitch?” he questioned and Hisoka nodded. “I heard it on tv and have been obsessed with it ever since”

He watched Hisoka spin on the spot and sway his hips to the beat is the song, mouthing the words the best he could and while the man was distracted Illumi took it upon himself to check him out again.

Hisoka’s boxers were riding dangerously low on his hips, hugging his frame tightly like a second skin and gave away absolutely nothing to the imagination.

“You’re staring again Illumi Zoldyck” Illumi looked up but saw Hisoka’s eyes were still closed and he was still dancing to the song. How he knew that he was looking at him he’ll never know.

“Are you that interested in my body? I’ll let you examine it if you want... for free"

“Are you drunk?” the idea just occurred to him that Hisoka might have had a drink or two because he didn’t know anyone that would wear goggles for no reason and would dance in his underwear like he was now.

“Maybe” Hisoka replied and ceased all movement. “”but I’m not drunk I promise, just a little tipsy”

“You said the same thing last time we went clubbing and look how that turned out”

Hisoka snorted and walked over to the sofa; dragging Illumi by his arm as he sat back against the cushions.

“How was school?” Illumi rolled his eyes.

“ _University-_ and I don’t want to talk about that right now”

It took everything he had to inch closer to Hisoka, he could feel his entire body shaking despite the fact he hasn’t done anything and the fact that Hisoka was still smiling made his anxiety flare up even more.

“I wanted to ask…” he started, not really sure where he was going with his sentence. “I- I wanted…”

“You wanted…?”

Panic stared to rise in Illumi’s chest, his airways were becoming more restricted with every breath he took and he was more than sure Hisoka could see his pending panic attack on his face.

“Your hair.” He blurted out and pointed towards the mop of uncombed colour that rested on top of Hisoka’s head.  “You changed your hair colour… it's orange... I wanted to know why”

Hisoka’s smile faded for half a second before it reappeared. “I was getting bored of pink, thought I’d change it up a little”

“It suits you”

His inner demons were laughing at him, mocking him for being a coward and redirecting the conversation but Illumi decided to swallow them back down and nod. “Yeah it suits you really well, I like it”

“But that’s not what you wanted to ask me now was it?” when Illumi turned his head towards his friend Hisoka was supporting an even more menacing grin and a cocked eyebrow.

“Tell me what's really on your mind Illumi, I thought we were friends”

Everyone that knew Illumi knew that he wasn’t one to act recklessly, in fact he tried his very hardest to avoid anything that might bring attention to himself or was deemed risky. So it shocked him when he found his body moving on its own accord, inching closer to Hisoka without hesitation and placing a heavy hand on the said man’s thigh.

“I want to pay you back somehow… for…” the end of his sentence trailed off into a mumble and he couldn’t bring himself to look at the smug grin on Hisoka’s features.

“I want- I think-“

A cold hand touched his overheated cheeks and Illumi automatically jumped away from it, and when his eyes finally met Hisoka’s there was nothing teasing or taunting in them, just a simple smile that he doesn’t think he’s seen the male display yet in their friendship.

“It’s okay to be sexually curious Illumi; you’re not breaking the rules or committing a crime”

“Technically it is a sin to engage in sexual intercourse or actions before marriage”

Hisoka rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. “Oh yeah, because you and your family are  _so_  religious”

He stood and stretched his arm out for Illumi to take his hand but the black haired man only remained seated as he stared at his friends equally pale palm.

“We’re friends, friends do stuff like this.” Hisoka wiggled his fingers a little. “If anything I’m glad you came to me and didn’t try to discover your sexuality with some stranger at a dodgy bar”

Illumi knew himself enough to know he’d never try and settle his curios mind with a stranger and the thought alone with enough for him a shiver. He allowed himself to be led by his friend, taking baby steps towards the back of the house and into Hisoka’s room and with every step they both of them took Illumi heard the persistent shouting of subconscious;  one side telling him this was okay whilst the other told him to get the hell out while he still could.

“You don’t have to look so worried as well; I won’t bite-” the door clicked behind them and before Illumi’s mind had a chance to register what was happening Hisoka’s palm slammed against the door next to his head and suddenly the space between them disappeared.

“Hard.”

" _Ah. Hello there panic attack it’s been a long time”_ Illumi thought to himself because he feel one rise up from the depths of his body. He didn’t know if Hisoka could see him hyperventilating or not but decided not to ask any questions about it.

His hands found Hisoka’s shoulders, deciding whether he should pull him in closer or to push him away screaming stranger danger so in the end they stayed there doing nothing.

“Should we start from the basics or was there something you had in mind?”

Did he have something in mind? Illumi wasn’t too sure about that either.

Hisoka’s hand slid down from the door to Illumi’s hips and dragged him forward, his other hand copying. They toyed with his shirt, pulling it out from his trousers and ran cool up Illumi’s heated back, loving the way the male’s eyes squinted at the refreshing contact.

“If there’s something you want…” his fingers nails dragged down the curve of Illumi’s spine in attempt to test the waters. “You can tell me… don’t be scared”

“It’s now or never” echoed between Illumi’s flushed ears and he gulped before connecting his hands behind Hisoka’s neck.

“y-you… could you… I want you to kiss m-me… again?”

Hisoka snorted and stroked his hands down Illumi’s slender frame until they patted his butt and squeezed the clothed flesh. “As you wish”

He didn’t expect Hisoka to pick him up and force his legs around his waist but soon discovered he wasn’t in the right mindset to complain. Hisoka’s lips pressed against his roughly before he was even given the chance to inhale a breath or mentally prepare himself but soon discovered the art of breathing through his nose and after that it seemed all his worries vanished.

As much as he didn’t want to be Illumi was highly aware of Hisoka’s lower half pushing against him, and how his underwear was as thin as they came and it was torture for Illumi to be able to feel his entire length against his slacks.

It also seemed that Hisoka wasn’t going to let him off ease this time as his grip on Illumi’s ass tightened and pushed him more against the door.

the feeling of light headedness was starting to invade Illumi’s mind as Hisoka deepened their kiss, one hand left his ass to slip into his hair and angle his head, he wasn’t even surprised when Hisoka slipped his tongue in either but found himself tightening his legs around his waist when the said tongue started flicking against his own.

He had no idea Hisoka was so skilled in this area, it’s his fault really, throughout the years he’d seen Hisoka flirt with countless people and talk his way out of nearly every problem and issue. His charming words and attractively calm voice made it hard for people to dislike him and the invisible string he uses to pull innocent bystanders in with had most likely got him a few interesting nights.

But illumi had never really thought about it until now, whilst he had his friends hips are crushing against his and the grip on his hair was brutal. And it made Illumi wonder what number lover he was.

Illumi licked his saliva soaked lips when they finally parted, drinking in each other’s breaths through flared nostrils. Hisoka let his hold on Illumi’s hair go and dropped it back down to his ass to support him in the current position they were in.

“Have you through about what you want yet?” the newly orange haired man asked and Illumi ponded on the question. In a way he didn’t really want anything, he just wanted to touch Hisoka again and that already happened but his lower half was already twitching with excitement from the kiss they'd just shared and it’d be too embarrassing to leave now that he was worked up and his face was probably beet red.

“I-I-I don’t know what I want” he answered and heard Hisoka tut.

“You don’t know what you want or you don’t know how to ask for it?” now that was a question that got Illumi’s mind racing because he could be right.

His jet black orbs met Hisoka’s golden ones before the hands on his ass tensed again, causing a hitch to erupt in Illumi’s throat.

“I-“

“I hope you don’t mind if I do this” Hisoka lifted Illumi’s hips up and rolled against his front and the reaction he got from the Zoldyck was priceless.

His fingers pulled on the baby hairs at Hisoka’s nape and hung his head, in shame? Most likely because even though the simple action felt so right the bugging feeling that Illumi was doing something wrong was eating away at the back of his mind.

“Did that feel good?” Hisoka whispered in Illumi ear and rolled his hips forward again and feeding off the others tiny sounds.

Illumi couldn’t think straight let alone answer the question, Hisoka continued to roll and thrust his hips and each time round Illumi felt a new added pressure in his own pants and he was sure Hisoka could feel it too.

His legs tightened around Hisoka’s waist when he decided to move away from the door and to the bed and in the position he was in Illumi felt like a new born being carried by its mother except mothers didn’t lay kisses all over their children’s necks whilst they carried them nor did they feel up their behinds.

His back met the mattress with a light thump and in the short second he’d been placed there the memories of he and Hisoka’s last encounter came flooding back to his mind, causing the heat to rise in his cheeks once more.

Hisoka’s hand inched up and under his shirt, tracing the ripples on his stomach gently and licking his lips hungrily. His eyes scanned over Illumi’s sprawled out form but frowned his when orbs met Illumi’s darkened ones.

“You’re wearing too many clothes”

Whilst in this situation Illumi would agree he still wasn’t all that comfortable being completely naked around other people; even if that other person was Hisoka.

“You’re not wearing enough”

The orange haired males hands slid out from under Illumi’s shirt and found its way to his trousers instead, and joined by the other started to work on the buttons before he stopped all his actions.

“Let’s make a bet” Hisoka’s fingers toyed the undone metal button, smile growing on his handsome features. “If you manage to keep your eyes on me the entire time I’ll take you out to dinner after this”

Illumi didn’t understand what Hisoka was talking about and parted his lips to ask him but as he did witnessed the most erotic sight he’d even seen in his life.

Hisoka pulling his trouser zip down with his teeth shouldn’t have been as sexy as it was, it was quite possibly the simplest action someone could do but Illumi’s body betrayed him and he couldn’t help the lustful sigh that escaped his dry throat.

“And if you lose and close your eyes-” Hisoka’s fingers got to work on rolling the material down Illumi’s toned thighs. “I get to try out something new on you”

Seeing as Illumi had absolutely no idea what this “new idea” Hisoka was talking about was and wasn’t about to risk it he had no choice but to take up his bet and keep his eyes locked onto his “lover”

His eyes stayed on Hisoka’s form as the male dragged his trousers and pants down to his ankles and over his socked feet, leaving him exposed and open to the room. He tried to bring his legs together only for them to be torn apart again.

“There’s nothing to hide, don’t worry” the orange haired man whispered as he shimmered up and rested in between milky thighs. “Every part of you is gorgeous”

Illumi sucked in a harsh breath when Hisoka’s lips attached themselves to the inside of his thigh, sucking away at the skin that would surely leave a bruise and nipping dangerously close to his groin. It was nothing like Illumi had ever felt before, his body was reacting to the smallest touches and his heart was on maximum overdrive.

He wanted to tell Hisoka to stop like the last time but he couldn’t, the words wouldn't leave his mouth.

And for some reason actually being able to view everything that was happening to him only fuelled his already rising arousal to the point where Illumi found himself biting his lower lip to keep any more embarrassing noises from spilling.

“Are you still watching me?” Illumi weakly nodded and hissed when sharp teeth sunk into the delicate skin of his leg. “Are you still watching me now?”

“Yes, Yes I am!” there was only so much torture the human body would take, Illumi had first had experience with this growing up with his family, but even this right now was too much.

Hisoka held on to Illumi’s quivering thighs tighter to still them and looked up wearing the most shit eating grin Illumi had ever seen.

“I’m going to touch you now; is that alright?” Illumi nodded, partly because he was too far gone to say it wasn’t and because he was determined to win this bet.

The only thing stopping his eyes from rolling back was the thought of a free meal because as soon as Hisoka’s slender fingers wrapped around his heated length the coils in Illumi's gut were tightening. His eye lids drooped when Hisoka’s hand began to move in small pumps at the base, his flicking eyes never leaving Illumi’s flushed face.

“You’re so cute like this” Hisoka chimed and dipped his face down to lick a strip up the pulsing meat. “If only you could see yourself”

Illumi was more than sure he looked like he was in pain; he never thought he’d watch another man handle his junk but he was and unfortunately was enjoying it. He watched Hisoka flick his tongue over the blushing tip, drinking up any clear liquid that threatened to spill over whilst his hand continued to twist and pump at the base of his cock.

He watched as Hisoka slipped the head between his swollen lips and suck like he was his favourite candy bungee gum. And his eyes nearly fluttered shut when he started sliding his mouth down further; taking all of him in one go until his nose nestled into fine hairs before pulling off and repeating the action.

The urge to run his fingers through Hisoka’s freshly dyed hair was tempting but Illumi didn’t know if he was allowed; it seemed too pressurizing and demanding so he kept his hands where they were, clutching at the bed spread.

“Hisoka…” was the first words he’d panted since this whole thing started and only because he could feel he was close and wanted to warn the other.

The vibrations of Hisoka’s whimper travelled straight through Illumi’s body, causing the zoldyck to grip the sheets harder.

His lower half twitched aggressively in Hisoka’s mouth; he could feel it jolt around every time the others tongue dipped into the slit or with every slurping sound that rang in Illumi’s ears when Hisoka pulled off him.

he was on cloud nine, so lost a different dimension of physical contact that Illumi didn’t know if he’d be able to find his way back to earth or not.

A soft moan escaped passed his teeth as he came, his eyelid snapping shut as the intensity hit him like a speeding train and when he reopened them Hisoka was still pumping his over sensitive cock with his mouth open wide and tongue hanging out in hope to receive more of his sweet liquid.

“Please…” Illumi groaned, his eyes squeezed tightly together to deal with the moist muscle cleaning over his sensitive head. “Please stop now”

“I win”

Illumi cracked lid open and saw Hisoka licking his come stained lips with a smirk plastered across his wicked face. “You closed your eyes, therefore I win”

“The bet wasn’t fairly played”

“I kept my side of the deal and looked at you the entire time” Illumi couldn’t tell if Hisoka was lying or not seeing as he spent the entire event trying to hang on for dear life. He narrowed his eyes and then exhaled a sigh before running a hand through his damp locks.

“So no dinner then”

“We can still go to dinner if you want”

Hisoka sat up on the bed and Illumi’s stomach fluttered in embarrassment when he happened to catch the tent Hisoka was supporting before he got a chance to look away.

“I know I great little place we can go to, however you’re paying half”

“Don’t you want to… umm” Illumi cleared his throat, pointing at Hisoka’s lower half before Hisoka chuckled and massaged himself through his underwear.

“I’ll deal with it in a minute… unless you want to return the favour?”

Illumi’s eyes widened, his mind whirled a mile a minute at the thought of doing to Hisoka what he just did to him, would he be able to do it? What if he was bad? What if he chickened out before they could get to it, what if he was too rough and hurt Hisoka? Or Hisoka got mad because he didn’t know what he was doing? What if-

A high pitched laugh cut Illumi’s worries short and his head shot up to see Hisoka doubled over on the bed holding his side. And when the orange haired man looked up his irises glistened under the artificial light that lit up the room.

“Just kidding” he whispered and hopped off the bed; standing as proudly as his cock was in his pants. “I’ll sort out his bad boy in the shower”

He threw Illumi a box of tissues and a wink before turning his back to him to make his way to the bathroom but Illumi couldn’t let the subject go that easily, he had indeed thought about doing the same thing to Hisoka but couldn’t bring himself to ask if he could try, he was constantly having an internal conflict with himself about wanting to do it and gathering the courage to ask.

“What if I wanted to…” his sentence turned into grumbles of words towards the end but it was apparently loud enough to stop Hisoka before he could pull open the door.

Hisoka looked back over his shoulder with his usual smile. “Your eyes say you don’t” he voiced and Illumi gulped down the lump blocking his airways.

“I already told you I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to so there’s no rush, we’re friends remember?”

The word “friends repeated in Illumi’s ears and he lowered his head when Hisoka had finished talking.

He heard the door creak open and then slam shut followed by the sound of a shower running. Hisoka was right, they didn’t need to rush anything. He trusted Hisoka (to some extent) and knew the man wouldn’t push him to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with.

He plucked some tissue from the box thrown next to his leg and began to clean himself off, listening to Hisoka’s soft voice sing a song he didn’t recognise before throwing them in the bin nearby and flopping down against the bed and closing his eyes; wondering what kind meal he'd order tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS I'M BACK! did you miss me? 
> 
> as you all know from the note I left before I stupidly deleted this fic by accident I've been really ill and I asked you all to give me ten days to upload a new chapter, well guess what guys... it's here. IT'S HERE! I can hear you all singing to the heavens.
> 
> I want to thank you all for your patience and for calmly waiting for a new chapter you guys are the best, it might not be as long as the other but hopefully you guys will enjoy it nonetheless~
> 
> this was self beta'ed so please excuse any mistakes you may find ^^

It would be within Illumi’s best interest to keep away from Hisoka for the rest of his life, maybe even terminate their friendship if it meant Illumi could resume the peaceful life he once had.

Ever since that unfortunate night where he’d been dragged clubbing his life had done the most dangerous U-turn, and if Hisoka being out of his life would restore that he’d be more than happy to do it.

Except it wasn’t that easy, nothing ever was in Illumi life, even since he’d met Hisoka he’d been doomed with unfortunate events that he wouldn’t wish upon his worst enemy, and the most recent misfortune he’d been suffering with was sexual frustration.

Illumi still didn’t know everything about sexual activities or what they held; he’d taken some time out of his day to research some information, to see what other people had to say on such a subject but was bombarded with articles such as “how to please your man in less than five minutes” or titles that started with “three tips that will have your partner begging for it” and it all became too much too soon for him to handle.

One particular discussion caught his attention long enough for him to read through what some people were talking about. It was filled with more experienced members giving a young virgin some information on how to make his first time pleasurable.

Illumi had no intentions of having sex with Hisoka, no intentions at all but it didn’t hurt to become wiser in the subject.

He found himself nodding along to what he was reading as he scrolled through the comments and replies, absorbing all the friendly tips and opening the links posted to back up the commenter’s advice and Illumi could feel himself relaxing as his mind took in what was in front of him.

He sat back in his computer chair with a sigh and rubbed the heel of his palm against his eyelids, should these things always be this difficult? Was this as nerve-wrecking for Hisoka the first time he allowed someone to touch him? Or was he just over thinking things as usual?

Illumi looked at his screen again, the light from the monitor blaring the words into his mind without choice, his eyes scanning over every individual word again just to make sure he read it right the first time when something else caught his attention.

A piece of information that was different from the rest.

_"Before you engage in any kind of physical relationship you must first become comfortable with yourself, know what you like and how your body responds to different things. Touch yourself or use toys and just explore your own body. If you know where feels good then it’ll help your partner in the long run”_

Illumi blinked once, reading the same paragraph over and over again until he was pretty sure he had it memorised. Become comfortable with himself? He’d never touched himself for pleasure before and never really saw the need too but after spending time with Hisoka he had to admit that that thought had crossed his mind a few times, all in which he ignored.

He looked down at his crotch, to the lining where his pants seams had been sewn and his right hand landed on his thigh, his thoughts drifted to what happened after he’d returned back to Hisoka’s after dinner, the way he was meant to simply shake the man’s hand and bid him goodnight but ended up back against a wall with his arms above his head in Hisoka’s grip.

The way Hisoka’s lips faintly moved against his own in a delicate but possessive way and the way he made the blood in Illumi’s veins boil in need with such a simple action.

He hadn’t realised his hand moved to the inside of his thigh as he day dreamed, it was crazy to think that one person could drive him so mad with anger and want Illumi felt like he wanted to tear his hair out.

He also didn’t hear the door open but as Silva called out to him his eyes snapped up and the hand that was previously resting on his thigh reached up to slap his laptop shut.

“Father!” he greeted, trying to keep his voice as stable as possible considering what he was just thinking about.

Silva looked at him once over and then his laptop before bring his eyes back to his son’s endless ones.

“I was just coming to say goodnight to you” Ilumi nodded in understanding, his thumbing circling each other as he began to look at everything apart from his father’s direct gaze.

“I see, well goodnight”

Silva turned to walk back out the door but stopped before he was fully out of the room and turned towards Illumi again, who hadn’t moved an itch.

“Is there something wrong Illumi?”

Illumi shook his head. “No. Why do you ask?”

Silva sighed and turned back to face his son, worry etched on his brow. “You seem distance now days; it’s starting to worry your mother and I”

Illumi knew that he’d been a bit quieter than usual but he didn’t think he was acting any stranger, but now that his father had brought it up maybe he had been and needed to change that before he raised more suspicions.

“I can assure you father I am fine, I’m just a bit stressed out with the amount of work I’ve been given  recently from my professors but I’ll manage”

Illumi was grateful when Silva didn’t question him further, instead giving him a simple nod and taking his leave, but at the same time that was too close for his heart to handle, his hand had been dangerous close to his crotch, an itch more and he’d have a lot of explaining to do.

His bedside clock chimed as the hands reached midnight and Illumi took that as his cue to start getting ready to sleep, the day that awaited him was going to be long and he needed all the energy he could get.

He could hear his father telling his brother Milluki that it was time to shut down his computer and go to sleep from behind his door, to which the second oldest Zoldyck put up a fight for, and Illumi waited until their conversation drew to a close and for the heavy footsteps of his father’s walking to disappear before sat on the edge of his bed with a sigh.

Although his body was weak with exhaustion his mind still continued to race and Illumi found himself shaking his head a few times to try and rid of this disgusting thoughts, which, of course, failed to work.

As the thoughts continued to replay in his mind Illumi couldn’t help but feel his lower half begin to pulse. Hisoka’s hands tickling his over sensitive skin as his lips set on a mission to find erogenous zones Illumi didn’t even know he had, the way his feather like hair would brush over his chest and hips as he kisses lower and lower down his body…

He wasn’t pulsing anymore; Illumi could feel the beginning of a hard on pushing against his underwear and groaned. He didn’t want to think like this, he didn’t want his mind to be bombarded with the thought of Hisoka doing ungodly things to him and he certainly didn’t like the way his body was reacting to it, normal or not.

He fell back against his mattress with a groan, highly aware of his new erection rubbing against his boxers. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep now, and he’d be lucky if he was able to get up in the morning to go to university.

Reluctantly Illumi hand’s slowly trailed down to the front of his pants, one resting on his clothed thigh whilst the other stopped at the waistband of his pajama pants, he was trying not to think about what he was about to do in fear that he’ll be completely disgusted with himself. He’d never done something like this before, had never touched himself for his own pleasure but at this moment of time he didn’t have a choice, not with his body already heating up in excitement and his erection becoming increasingly more painful.

His hand brushed over the forming bump and jolted at the burst of pleasure that coursed through his system, like the article online said in order of him to be comfortable with others he had to learn to be comfortable with himself; something that he definitely was not.

And in order for him to get rid of whatever was happening in his pants Illumi had no choice but to copy what Hisoka did to him.

His clammy palm moved under the elastic of his pajamas, lightly brushing the pad of his fingers over the hardness straining against his boxers as his fingernails scraped gentle against the material. It felt good, better than good, Illumi could feel himself beginning to fall into a pit of madness at how slow he was being.

He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, loud and thumping with anticipation of what he was about to do, his hand was shaking against his erection as he palmed himself over the material and before he could stop a hitched moan escaped his lips.

That’s when the reality of the of the situation hit him and how uncomfortable he truly was, at night his butlers took turns roaming the corridors to keep an eye out for danger and if he was too loud they would suspect something was wrong.

He couldn’t risk anyone finding him like this; he would never live it down.

Removing his hand from his trousers Illumi threw his legs over the side of the bed and stood, if he was going to do something like this he’d have to take precautions. He dragged his feet to the door and turned the silver lock until he heard it click and then hit the switch on the lights, it took a second for his eyes to adjust to the darkness that suddenly engulfed him but as soon as they did he walked back to his bed and sat on the edge with a sigh.

The angel on his shoulder was telling him this wrong and he shouldn’t so much think about about things like this however the demon on the other was telling him to get too it and explore his own body and to embrace his fantasies. And despite the fact they both gave excellent arguments the temptation was proving to be too much.

Illumi pushed himself back on the bed, shifting a little until his back rested against the headboard and brought his fingers to the top of his trousers and pushed them and his underwear down his thighs.

In the absence of light he could only make out the outline of his member, couldn’t see what colour it had turned or observe what it really looked like. He had an overall idea of what his cock looked like because of when he used the toilet but never really took the time to really look at it, he didn’t feel the urge too until he’d gotten involved with Hisoka.

His ever sweaty hand reached forward to grip himself, tunnelling his palm around the stiffness that nestled in between his legs and with slow strokes began to move.

His reaction of nearly immediate, a soft exhale was breathed into the room as Illumi moved his hand up and down, tightening his grip every now and then. He was trying to remember what Hisoka did to him that felt amazing, how he use to warm him up before moving on to the main event; which was rookie mistake number one.

The memories of what happened in Hisoka’s room flooded back to him, increasing his arousal by tenfold, his movements then began to pick up in pace, sliding his fist over himself in a set rhythm that was setting Illumi’s nerves alight.

He remembered the way Hisoka’s tongue felt against the head of his cock, the way the wet muscle would dip into the slit and drink up the gooey liquid that oozed out, the way his tongue would flatten against the frenulum and flick rapidly against that one area. He remembered the way Hisoka’s golden eyes looked up at him whilst his mouth set to work, the way they gleamed with excitement and unfallen tears as he took him further down his throat.

Illumi let his head tilt back against the headboard as he worked himself faster, the precome dripping from the tip aiding his strokes. His other hand balled against his lips to keep quiet, muffling his desperate moans and whimpers for more.

His cock was beginning to twitch in his hand as his gut tightened, warning Illumi about his queued release. He was sure it counted as a sin to feel this good, his entire body had become damp with sweat and he was biting his thumb to silence whatever bigger was coming.

He could feel it, that familiar pressure in the pit of his stomach that Illumi had experience twice before, it was overwhelming and too intense for him to handle. His fist moved from his mouth and slipped into his hair, pulling on the thick strains tightly in attempt to hold on to something, to ground himself so he didn’t lose his way in this dimension of pleasure he was floating through.

Illumi tensed up with a grunt before slumping down against his pillows gasping, the wetness the covered his thighs and hand didn’t register in his mind until it had cooled down and the haziness in his mind had cleared and that’s when he’d realised what he’d done.

He looked over himself in utter disgust, even in the darkness of his room he could see what was splashed across him and a part of him wanted to be sick.

He leaned over to his bedside table and switched on the night-light that he kept there and plucked some tissues from the box next to it. and although he was still in his post orgasmic state Illumi’s mind was clear enough for him to be repulsed by his actions.

He was feeling a number of things but the main one was embarrassment; how was he meant to face his parents knowing that he did what he just did? Or his siblings? Or worse, Hisoka. He’d touched himself to the thought of Hisoka.

Illumi groaned and rubbed hands over his face, than groaned louder remembered he hadn’t washed them yet, he didn’t want to think about this, not now, not ever.

He pushed himself towards the edge of the bed with intentions of going to the bathroom when he heard his phone vibrate loudly against his desk; to which he walked over to pick it up.

And at that moment of time the person trying to contact him was the last person he wanted to talk to.

Sender: _Hisoka_

_Subject: ^^_

_Message: you still up?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some good news for you all and some even more good news, which one do you want first?
> 
> ...
> 
> the good news first ? okay!
> 
> the the good news is that this isn't the final chapter, I tried very hard to end this fic and after a lot of writing and deleting I realised there's too much I want to put in this for me to just ended it like that so yeah, it's not ending here!
> 
> the other good news is that I don't know when this will end so I guess you're stuck with me until it does I hope that's okay :D 
> 
> See you next chapter!
> 
> (p.s I would like to point out that deliberately made this chapter short and if you stick around for the next one you'll see why ;) )

**Author's Note:**

> See you next chapter!


End file.
